sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
