I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
