so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize