I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
