Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
