it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
