Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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