things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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