Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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