this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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