Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
