can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
