that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
