How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
