I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
