I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
