We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
