My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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