My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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