I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
