When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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