maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
