He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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