I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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