Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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