I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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