For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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