A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
