He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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