I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
