This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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