He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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