pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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