The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
