Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
