You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
