i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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