It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
