We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
