I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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