i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
