so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
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I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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