She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
