your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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