All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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