you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
as a side note pls kill me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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