we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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