That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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