I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
