I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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