what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
