Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
