i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
