I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
