"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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