i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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