I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
