Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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