I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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