how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
