I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
