Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
