Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
