hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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