I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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