The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
