it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
please don't ironically join a cult
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