If that was your dad, he is hot
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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