yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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