There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
