Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i need some magic done to my vagina
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
