We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the day after is always just damage control
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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