i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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